Anger

Consistent demonstrations of anger in an unhealthy way can deteriorate relationships.

 Anger presents most often when we feel rejected, abandoned, threatened or attacked. We may be in relationships with people who disappoint us, violate our boundaries, contribute less than they should, break promises, disappoint us, or betray us. Consistent demonstrations of anger can affect our body in negative ways by wearing down the body’s immune and nervous system, and its ability to repair and replenish itself. If we can’t manage our anger we can become trapped in a cycle where we are always reacting instead of responding. Our responses can be influenced by our temperament, resentment or a denial of feelings we don’t allow ourselves to feel. When we react disproportionately to circumstances, we are often reacting to attachment wounds from our childhood. Some examples are if we had parents that lacked the skills to handle their own emotions and anger, they modeled that for us. Or if we were taught not to raise our voice, express or feel our feelings, we learn to suppress them all.

Unresolved trauma can also present as anger as issues that were painful and traumatic were not processed and it flares up until it is healed. Both trauma and attachment wounds can be addressed by doing inner child work with the wounded parts and mindfulness. That could start with identifying what your triggers to anger are, such as why am I angry? What do I need at this moment? What am I feeling? What is the story in my head? If we feel as though we are not good enough or things are our fault ,our brain goes into threat protection and danger mode. When we can respond to ourselves with compassion and kindness, we can calm our body. When we can identify what we’re feeling, take a deep breath and pause we can nurture ourselves into an emotionally safer place.

If you have a question you would like to ask or a topic to be addressed in next month’s article, please email jenn@pinkertonpsychotherapy.com. If you would like to schedule an individual appointment, please contact us at 713.800.6999 or www.pinkertonpsychotherapy.com.