Emotional Neglect

How emotionally connected are you in your relationship? Ask yourself some of these questions.

Do you ever feel invisible? Do you ever feel alone even when you are with your partner? Do you try to talk to them but you can’t seem to get through? Are you lonely in your marriage? Are your conversations about logistics or only the business of the relationship? Do you not feel like a team? Is the only time you feel connected when you are intimate? Are you intimate? Is there a lack of warmth overall?

These could be signs of emotional neglect in your relationship if the emotional awareness is absent. The emotional connection between partners is essential for a relationship to thrive. We are relational beings and this is vital for relationships. When a partner consistently fails to respond or regard their partners feelings, this is emotional neglect. It creates a gap and distance in the relationship and limits emotional safety and stability. Lack of physical contact and intimacy can also constitute emotional neglect as that closeness is often expressed in physical touch. A relationship can consist of two people who love each other, but if the emotional connection is fleeting or missing altogether, it can feel totally empty.

Often emotional neglect is connected to unresolved trauma from childhood. If there was childhood emotional neglect, it can be perpetuated and repeated generationally. A lack of acknowledgement of feelings or believing they were never seen or heard by their parents, can create a pattern of continuing the practice of being closed off emotionally. Vulnerability can become something that is uncomfortable and almost an unknown, so much so, that some partners don’t even recognize it is missing. Additionally, if parents didn’t provide any structure and your partner was left to fend for themselves, that focus can continue into adulthood. Other causes can be a focus outside the relationship where the energy is transferred to something else, such as work, or someone else, such as young children or even an affair.

If it is apparent that this is a problem, what do you do about it? In both individual therapy or couples therapy with your partner, you can work on healing emotional trauma from childhood, understanding perspectives, and learning new skills to strengthen the relational bond and facilitate connection.

If you have a question you would like to ask or a topic to be addressed in next month’s article, please email jenn@pinkertonpsychotherapy.com. If you would like to schedule an individual appointment, please contact us at 713.800.6999 or www.pinkertonpsychotherapy.com.