Physical Discipline

Physical discipline, aka spanking, does not improve behavior and leads to emotional, behavioral, and academic problems over time. Many parents who resort to physical discipline suffer from their own emotional immaturity and emotional dysregulation.

They are simply repeating what they know and do not think they have other options to discipline. However, physical discipline is associated with heightened risk for harm to children’s mental health and emotional development.

Most parents who spank would likely choose a different path if they were aware of another way to discipline effectively. This is where positive discipline education comes in. Many parents are scared to eliminate fear-based control methods as they do not understand the alternative of positive discipline. Studies have shown that children who are parented in gentle yet firm ways, with positive and mindful discipline, are more likely to have a secure relationship with their parents. They also experience less struggles with self-esteem, worthiness, and shame. Shame is the root of the problem with spanking, as all the physical discipline in the world will never teach respect, it will only instill fear and shame in the child. The parent might get the immediate result they want, of obedience and even silence, and the parent might feel in control and powerful, but the child shuts down inside, and the long-term effect is low self-worth and shame. The immediate benefit the parent might receive will not outweigh the detriment.

Parents can get the outcomes they want in their child by abolishing spanking and instead putting in effort and energy into teaching by example these concepts: emotional regulation, curiosity, critical thinking skills, problem solving, healthy boundaries, validation, and emotional support. Instead of punishing your child with spanking, use an age-appropriate approach and sit down and ask what is wrong, why did you make this mistake or demonstrate behavior, what were you thinking, how did this happen, and calmly have a firm and focused discussion about their thought process and work with them with patience and firmness to understand how to avoid the behavior in the future. Then you can instill a consequence for their actions such as a loss of an activity or not able to participate in something fun, or no screen time, etc. This approach will allow the child to feel heard, create a secure attachment to their parent, and create a desire to make better choices in the future. This is what emotional support looks like and this is how you build a trusting, loving, secure attachment that instills respect and fosters growth emotionally.

If you have a question you would like to ask or a topic to be addressed in next month’s article, please email jenn@pinkertonpsychotherapy.com. If you would like to schedule an individual appointment, please contact us at 713.800.6999 or www.pinkertonpsychotherapy.com.