Should I Divorce?

This is a common question for many people in unhappy marriages. Years ago it was commonplace to believe it was best to stay in marriages forever, regardless of the health or viability of the relationship. However, now people can recognize that emotional health is important.

Many relationships don’t last, and there are often clear indicators that things should end. For couples evaluating whether to move to divorce, below are 7 reasons to consider.

1. Physical, Emotional, Verbal abuse – If this is present, the relationship is unhealthy. Unfortunately, this can escalate to more dangerous proportions when divorce is eminent. Proceed with caution and get help and support to leave.
2. Poor conflict resolution and communication – If exchanges are negative, devaluing, and communication is insulting, contemptuous and defensive, this can signal that this relationship might be too unhealthy to stay.
3. The reasons to stay are based in fear – If you are fearful to leave due to impact on the children, or finances or you just realize you are betraying yourself and your own needs by staying, it might be time to realize how much your life could prosper if you were not in that environment. Often, people are better parents when not immersed in conflict and people can excel at their jobs financially due to a newfound confidence and independence.
4. Consistent infidelity – If you have committed to monogamy and someone is continually unfaithful, or if there is continued financial infidelity, this lack of trust and respect does not create a platform for a healthy relationship.
5. You cannot be authentic – If you must mute yourself, keep your beliefs or opinions private, you aren’t showing up in a real way. The lack of authenticity or vulnerability is a huge barrier to intimacy and can break connection.
6. Sexless marriage – If intimacy is not present, and there are no movements to work towards reestablishing interest and connection, this can be a big reason to divorce.
7. They aren’t your go to person – If you realize that you never tell your partner about your day, or about your thoughts or interests, there is a big disconnect. Connection is crucial for the relationship to prosper. If you don’t’ go to them in crisis or in celebration, then that connection is broken. Living separate lives is unsustainable.

With effective, change oriented couples therapy, many relationships can be revived, and a new type of relationship can be created. This would include resolving unhealed trauma, learning new tools, reestablishing intimacy, learning a new language of communication, prioritizing each other, and more.

If you have a question you would like to ask or a topic to be addressed in next month’s article, please email jenn@pinkertonpsychotherapy.com. If you would like to schedule an individual appointment, please contact us at 713.800.6999 or www.pinkertonpsychotherapy.com.