Reasons Relationships Fail

There can be many reasons why relationships do not work out such as incompatibility, timing, infidelity, abuse, lack of respect or different life paths/values.

However, there are some common issues that can significantly contribute to whether a relationship will survive or not.

Reason #1 Fear of vulnerability and commitment.
People often give up when things get challenging, but when you work together as a team you can strengthen your bond. Commitment to the relationship and knowing that you can rely and depend on each other is imperative. Being able to show up in a vulnerable way is key to intimacy. Vulnerability is the foundation for love as we need to be able to really know our partner in an authentic way.

Reason #2 Unhealed trauma.
People have unresolved emotional trauma from their attachment that they haven’t addressed and haven’t processed. If you have abandonment wounds, an anxious or avoidant attachment style or you are a people pleaser, or have destructive coping skills, all these things can affect your ability to function in a healthy manner in a relationship.

Reason #3 Trust issues.
This is a huge barrier to a couple’s success and is crucial in building a healthy relationship. Trust issues can be so profound that having insecurity and concerns can cause you to sabotage or project onto your relationship.
Lack of trust sometimes stems from your own fear of being hurt from early childhood experiences.

Reason #4 Communication issues.
Communication is one of the most common presenting concerns with couples and usually causes them to seek therapy. If you cannot express to your partner your needs or illustrate to them the way you want to receive love, then this communication distance can widen the gap in your relationship. Communication struggles can cause isolation and loneliness. Initially if you don’t communicate well, you’re not going to be able to express your needs to your partner which can result in unmet needs.

Reason #5 Lack of Intimacy.
When couples don’t touch, they don’t connect. Our bodies are actually designed to have physical connection. We release the hormone oxytocin upon touching that is associated with reduced levels of stress and feelings of happiness and joy. It is important for a relationship to be intimate, have sex, and connect often to thrive.

All relationships require time, effort and work to succeed. If you find that some of these things are issues in your relationship, couples counseling can often bridge the gap and resolve these concerns.

If you have a question you would like to ask or a topic to be addressed in next month’s article, please email jenn@pinkertonpsychotherapy.com. If you would like to schedule an individual appointment, please contact us at 713.800.6999 or www.pinkertonpsychotherapy.com.